The Stages of Grief and Then Some
by Wannabee-Righter
Summary: There are five stages of grief and all the little transitions in between but if you get stuck on a stage what happens? Dave finds out and with some help he learns to cope. I don't know where this story will lead me but I plan on it being a Kurtofsky fic.
1. Chapter 1: To Start Off With

Me Own? I Wish.

The Stages of Grief and Then Some

There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. A person doesn't always go through these stages in that exact order but each stage is experienced in the process of grief. After the person goes through each stage he has come to terms with his lost. Sounds simple enough right but, sometimes the transition from one stage to another isn't as smooth as it should be.

Everyone grieves differently and, some find themselves stuck on a certain stage. There are those who prefer to be in denial and to not allow their lost to affect them at all, actually they act as if it never even happened to being with. Some get stuck on bargaining, hoping that if they change something about themselves or their life, they could get what they lost back or avoid experiencing it again. Then there are those who stink into depression and some of them try to end their grief through suicide.

All of these detours in grief do hinder the person from achieving acceptance but none as much as anger. Anger has a way of eating a person from the inside out, leaving the host as an empty shell. Those who are stuck on anger have reactions that range from temper-tantrums once in a while to spreading their pain to those around them verbally or physically, you may know this type of people as bullies. Society has made everyone believe believe that bullies are a bunch of spoiled, crazy brats who enjoy throwing around their weight and making other people, who they feel are beneath them, like crap. But the truth of the matter is that they, like a lot of other people are stuck on a stage in the cycle of grief and no one is helping them to achieve acceptance, until now.

—Dr. Martha Livingstone

0oo~May 2011~oo0

He already made up his mind, there was no backing out. He had been a coward all of his life and, the least he could do is man up and get it over with. He's been planning it for weeks, weighting all of his options. Bullet to the head? No, too messy. He wouldn't want to leave the memory of his brain splattered on the wall of his room to be embedded in his parents' minds for the rest of their lives. Pills were not reliable enough and like silting his wrist it would be too easy to back out in the middle of it. That's when he decided on hanging. It was quick and once he kicked off it would be impossible to back out. He also thought that there was some kind of poetic justice involve in the idea. With everything he'd done, he deserved to hang by the gallows like a common criminal.

Then there was the matter of 'where' that was the major problem. He was quite aware of the fact that he was a big guy or chubby as a certain someone would put it. So, where he decided to tie his noose had to be study and private for obvious reasons. One day while he was wondering the house, he noticed that there were thick beams running the length of the ceiling in the living room. It seemed study enough to hold his enormous weight and if he closed the French doors and the curtains, he would have all the privacy he needed.

The only question that pledged him for a week was when. Then, just when he started to get worried that if he waited any longer he would chicken out, the perfect opportunity arrived. His parents, who have recently become very worried about his behavior, told him one night that they were going to a meeting or something the next night and would be coming home pretty late. He thought that it may be his only chance to finally end it all.

So as soon as he came home from hockey practice, he started preparation for the big event. He got the rope out of the garage and tied it in a proper knot that he learnt online (it's amazing what one could learn from the internet). He tied it to one of the beams in the living room and decided to read a scripture from his grandfather's bible. He then took out the note that he wrote two weeks ago and put it on the dining room table, so that it would be easy for his parents to find after they realized what he done. After a prayer, where he asked God to forgive him for what he is about to do, he climbed up on the desk and….. the phone rang. He thought about ignoring it but, if it was his parents they might get worried and call a neighbor to check on him. And that wouldn't help his plans at all. So he jumped off the table and answered the phone.

0oo~A Week Earlier~oo0

"I assure you Ms. Beiste, my organization completely understand that this student needs help. But if we take in every bully with the average anger problems who throw his weight around, we would not be able to truly help teenagers with more complexes issues." She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Wasn't she supposed to care? Wasn't that her job as a psychologist specializing in teen bullying required to care? But what was she to expect from a rich doctor who walks into a public school dressed in designer clothes and walks around her nose stuck up so high in the air it was a wonder how she got though the front door without breaking it. But unfortunately she was the best option for the situation. What she heard about this program was beyond amazing and this kid needed to change before he really hurt someone. So she decided to throw some low blows.

"Well Dr. Livingstone, I'm sorry that this case isn't interesting enough for you but, this student threatened the life of another. A once happy and proud student was reduced to a shaking heap of fear. It was so bad that his parents moved him to a private school across town just to keep him safe from that oversized brat."

It seemed to work. For a moment she seemed perplexed before she calmly stated, "You see that is the part that I don't understand. Boys like him bully other kids around to prove their manliness to their peers. It makes no sense that he would threaten his victim's life so that he would keep quiet. That act in itself shows shame when he should be proud of his actions. So, you see, he may be changing already."

"But he has only grown more aggressive, not only in his bullying but also on the field and ice." And this was the complete truth. This student went from being a minor issue in the school hallway to be a downright terror. He pushed anyone in his way into the lockers, and was almost an uncontrollable force playing any sport. It was as if he was overflowing with anger and did anything to take the edge off.

She stared at Dr. Livingstone as she was lost in deep thought and then she got a look of realization, as if she just remembered something, "Hmmm, was there something different about the student that transferred from this school?"

Coach Besite was shocked. She couldn't be blaming this student's uncontrollable rage on another, could she? "I don't see how that is relevant…"

But before she could finish, the doctor answered, "I do."

Realizing that there was no point in withholding this information she simply answered, "He was an 'out and proud' homosexual"

Dr. Livingstone seemed to perk up at this new information and continued to question the coach, "Oh, and did the bullying got worst just this year?"

"Well, from what I hear, yes" Coach Beiste was at a complete loss of how this was relevant to the current situation. The student was gone but the bullying had gotten worse. He seemed to have just moved on to new victims without missing a beat.

But at least now the doctor seemed more willing to take him on for some reason and her thoughts was soon confirmed, "Hmm, we'll look into it. I'll see you later Ms. Beiste."

Dr. Livingstone left the lost and confused coach before she could have replied and walked out of the locker room into the school hallway. She reached for her iphone in her Versace handbag and dialed a familiar number. "Hi sis, I think we have our final candidate."

0oo~A Week Later~oo0

He jumped off the table and ran to the phone, hoping to catch it before it stopped ranging and he did.

"Hello?" he answered breathless as if he was sprinting a mile.

"Good Evening, can I talk to David Karofsky please?" replied a melodious voice at the other end of the line.

Dave didn't recognize this woman's voice at all so, he simply answered, "That's me."

"Well how convenient, I'm Dr. Martha Livingstone with the "Stuck on Anger Program" and we were wondering if it would be possible to come and speak with you tonight about being a possible candidate."

0oo~~oo0

I hope you like it. Please Review!


	2. Chapter 2  Denial: The Self Variety

A/N: Longest chapter ever! This one got away from me a little. I don't know what happened. I planned to write one thing and something else turned up on the screen. I think my hands have a mind of their own. Anyway I hope you enjoy, if you don't blame my hands. — Wannabee- Righter

Me Own? I Wish!

The Stages of Grief and Then Some

Denial: The Self Variety

Denial is a very tricky thing. It is very hard to prove to someone that they are in denial because they are always in denial about being in denial. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to relieve people of their denial. Because however you do it, whether you get it over with quickly like tearing off a band-aid or slowly with the upmost care, you are still going to destroy their world as they know it. That's why so many people are in denial for such long periods of time because no everyone has the courage to tell their loved ones otherwise. And that is why I make so much money because I have no problem smashing a person's world into a million pieces. But this is not because I have a heart of ice; actually it is quite the opposite. I know that once I destroy their unrealistic image of the world, we could create a more realistic and less fragile environment for them to exist in.

—Dr. Maria Livingstone

0oo~September 2011~oo0

He is too happy. You would expect her to be pleased with his newfound cheerfulness but that was not the case. After knowing Dave for over three months, the fact that he was actually looking forward to the beginning of his senior year after everything that happened during the summer only meant one thing, the poor sucker was in denial, and that just won't do. Not for her. She will not have him go back to that school with the notion that he could act that nothing changed over the summer. She knew that her loving sister would 'rip her a new one' for doing this but Dave was the type of boy that could handle a little tough love once in a while.

So, after dinner she found him in library and quietly sat down next to him. Dave, who was now completely comfortable with being observed after months of adjusting to it, continued to read the book in his lap without acknowledging the other person's presence. After a few she decided to speak, "David, what are you expecting on Monday?" she asked in a seemingly innocent voice that Dave knew was far from it.

"I don't know what you mean Maria." Dave said hoping that she wouldn't be able to see through his act of ignorance.

"David if you expect to waltz into your high school with the same attitude you left with you are sadly mistaken." She didn't give him time to deny her claim and continued on. "We have worked too hard this summer for you to regress back to the beginning. So, let's come back to reality, where you are no longer the boy you use to be but better, wiser and more secure in who you are."

"But, what if..?" He found himself unable to completely voice his thoughts. He feared that saying them out loud would somehow make them more real and tangible; giving them enough power to destroy the perfect little bubble protecting him from the real world.

But, of course, Maria knew where this was going. After three months of these types altercations she was quite the expert on the inter-workings of David's mind and knew where his mind was heading. So she, being the self proclaimed queen of "bubble bursting" voiced his fears for him. "What if you're not accepted for who you are? What if your friends desert you and no longer want anything to do with you? What if life never be the same for you again?"

With each fear that she relieved to the world, his fearlessness created by his denial slowly deflated until there was nothing but a scared little boy who can only quietly reply, "Yeah."

Realizing that David had crashed landed back to the real world, now it was time for her favorite part of the process, the reconstruction. She smiled kindly at him while she carefully thought out her answer, "Well, to start off with, you are already accepted and liked for who you are by everyone in this house, and anyone who doesn't like the real you isn't worth your time. And if your friends can't handle the real you then they were never your friends to begin with. Lastly, why would you what your life to be the same as it once was. That life was lived by a scared, confused and angry little boy. You are a completely different person now so embrace that change that is sure to come."

As she looked at the understanding on his face, her sly smile turned into a full on grin as she thought to herself, _Damn I'm good! _She then stood up and walked out the room, pausing at the door she turned around and said, "I'll leave you to think about that."

David wasn't surprise that she came to break his cycle of denial. Actually he was expecting her to knock him back down to earth sooner or later. He was use to it ever since that night near the lake, where he started his transformation with her help.

0oo~June 2011~o00

It was nights like these that made David Karofsky wonder why the hell he agreed to join this program. After two weeks here he came to realize three things. To start off with he was nothing like these other nut jobs here. They had real problems. Every group session he learnt something new and terrifying about the other kids here and so far he had nothing to share. But every day when it was his turn to unveil a deep, dark, depressing secret, the counselors would stare at him, waiting for something he just didn't have to give. He did have problems with his parents, but nothing major like some of these people have. He also didn't experience any great loss nor did he have a drug dependency or anything like that. He was not like the others; he wasn't "grieving." He didn't have anything to 'grieve' over.

Then there was the whole 'roughing it' situation. When they bought this idea to him they said nothing about going to a camp in the middle of nowhere. He remembered the exact words they used to describe where they were taking him was "an nice, calm isolated area," but actually this camp was more of a "so deep in the heart of the woods that if you were attacked by a wild animal no one would be able hear your screams for help" kind of isolated, seriously he didn't even know if he was still in Ohio anymore.

Then there was the schedule. The stupid 5am to 10pm schedule. It was filled with strange activities but not as half as much "let's talk about our feelings" sessions that a person would think these types of programs would have. There was a lot of physical activities, a long jog in the morning, varies physical games during the day and swimming if it gets too hot. It was almost as if they were always trying to tire them out before sundown. Their counselors seem to never run out of energy. And Dave, who always thought that he was in pretty good shape with his jock status, found himself sometimes unable to keep up but he was comforted by the fact that none of the other teens could either. There were also chorus, too many of them if you asked him. Every night for almost two weeks he had gone to bed sore and tired.

So there he was sitting on the shore of the lake way after curfew, wondering why the hell he was wasting his time here. He was no closer to… no he wouldn't go there. He's not going to think about that tonight. He was just going to talk to Martha in the morning about going home, he was tired of this. He took comfort in the fact that at least he tried a plan B but now it was back to plan A. This was supposed to be some kind of miracle cure for bullies, they were suppose to help him, but he isn't just a bully, was he.

"David Karofsky, what are you doing out after curfew?" Dave visibly tensed at sound of her voice. Anybody but her, he thought as he tried to come up with a believable excuse for being out at this time of night but before he could of think of anything she was sitting next to him. He took a peak at Maria Livingstone through the corner of his eye. She was the complete opposite of her identical twin sister Martha. There was no denying that they were both very beautiful women with their dark mocha colored skin, black curly hair and warm hazel eyes. They looked perfectly heavenly, otherworldly, angel-like in appearance, but only one of them was a true angel. Unfortunately Maria was not the angel. He heard about her from the other teens at the camp. They called her "The Terror", a title she rightfully earned. He overheard many emotional testimonies filled with tears and mumbled words. Now that he thought about it, he was the only person who hasn't had an altercation with her.

And now she was staring at him expectantly, waiting for an answer to her question. "Umm, just thinking," Dave relied.

"You know what? I wanted to talk to you for a while now." Dave tensed even more at this statement. Now he wished he had listened more closely to what the other teens had to say about this woman because he had no idea where his was headed but he knew that it never end well. "David, what do you think about this program?"

David thought about telling her that everything was fine, going to bed and talking to her more approachable sister in the morning but decided against it. "I think coming here was a big mistake. I'm nothing like the other people you have in here," he said pointing towards the cabins. "They have real problems. Me, I was just pushing kids around for fun. No big deal."

She seemed unsurprised by his statement and answered him without missing a beat. "I thought you felt that way. You have a tendency to walk around camp like you're misplaced and every time that it's you turn to talk during group sessions, you have nothing to say. But, David you need to realize that you wouldn't be here unless your teachers, parents and victims didn't think you should be here. And we can't help you unless you let us."

David realized that she wasn't getting what he was trying to say, so he tried again. "I don't need help. There was no traumatizing event that occurred in my life that made me bully people. And I never hurt anybody." He said the last few words with conviction and force, hoping that she would understand that there was nothing behind his actions.

Maria seemed to be mulling over his passionate statement and the suddenly asked with curiosity, "So, what about Kurt Hummel?" Dave didn't expect that and it showed. He turned around, looking directly at Maria for the first time that night with a shocked look on his face. He didn't even think that they knew about him. In the past three weeks they didn't hint at all that they knew about him, the one person he didn't want to talk about.

"What about him?" he asked, trying to regain his composure and seem indifferent.

"Well to him it was a big deal. He left his school, friends and family to go to a boarding school to get away from you and your 'harmless pushing.'" David had a feeling that she knew she had him. He could tell in the way she said all of that with a "matter of fact" tone in her voice. His mother used that condescending tone every time he did something stupid. But he still tried to get her off his back. No harm in trying, right?

"It's not my fault the fag was a wimp."

Unfortunately for him that didn't work. "But it is."

So he tried again. "No it's not"

When she stopped talking for a few minutes, David thought it was over. Maybe she got tired of the back and forward or she realized that she wasn't getting anywhere with him. But that was only wishful thinking. She wasn't called 'the Terror' for nothing. "From what I heard Kurt Hummel was a happy, proud and brave kid until you got your hands on him. David what did you do to him? A person like that doesn't run because he was being pushed around. Kurt Hummel left because he feared for his well being. I'm sure that you weren't the only person pushing him too. But it is a known fact to everyone in your school that the kid left after he heard you were coming back." She paused for a second looking at him and watching his reactions. Dave knew she was getting to him and she knew it too. All she had to do was push a little harder. "You were the one who had him scared shitless every time he walked into the hall; always looking over his shoulder waiting, anticipating the next attack. You made him unsure of himself. You made him terrified of you. So my question to you is what you did to make him feel that way?"

At this point, the way she was laying out his wrongdoings much like a judge before sentencing was too much for him. And the sad thing was that she didn't know the half of it. There was something in her voice; it sounded a lot like a cross between disappointment and disgust that made him feel horrible. He had to tell her that he didn't mean to scare Hummel like that. He just wanted him to keep quite. He wasn't a monster; he was just confused and scared. "I didn't mean it. I didn't want him to leave. I just wanted him to stay quiet, that's all."

"Keep quiet about what?" She sounded genuinely perplexed. It comforted Dave to know that she didn't know everything. He didn't know if he could tell her. But how could she know that he isn't a homophobic monster unless he told her why he did what he did. Then again, what if she thought what he did was mentally disturbing and that something was wrong with him. But she was a psychologist, how was she supposed to fix him if he don't tell her what's wrong. And there is always, patient-doctor confidentiality, right. So he told her.

"The kiss"

She seemed perplexed for a minute before her eyes widen in shock as she stated, "You kissed him" Again David took pleasure in her obvious surprise. She wasn't expecting that, was she?

"Yea," he replied confirming her statement while bowing his head down in shame.

Again she went quiet for a few minutes and then addressed him in a deadly serious voice, "David, look at me." He reluctantly turned to look at her. "Admitting it is half the battle. Now that I know what the issue is I can help you but you have to want me to help you. David, do you want help?"

"Yes"

0oo~~oo0

See, that was not supposed to happen yet but anyway. Thanks to everyone that put this story on alert and/or reviewed. It would be nice if I could get more reviews so I could know what you like or don't like about the story. Also you never know, some reviews might inspire me to write faster. Next chapter will be up by next Friday see you then.

Wannabee-Righter


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